Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A Eulogy for Lance Armstrong

Everyone be seated, the service is about to start. Afterwards there will be sandwiches and party-liquor for the bored and bereaved. Then Oprah will gently stroke Lance's temple and pull the trigger to finish him off. Thanks for coming. Please turn off your cell phones.

(Amazing Grace fades out)

All of us will be destroyed. The cartilage in our joints will wear thin and tear. The memory will fade and for some it will be totally lost. The confidence that preceded decisions will be yanked back like a dog on a leash by self-doubt. As we all stumble through this experience ,with the world as our stage, we hope for happiness and success. Sadly, the two can sometimes oppose each other dramatically.

If you convinced yourself a human being was capable of "bouncing back" to the level of a world-class athlete, after undergoing cancer treatment to the point of total remission, win the Tour de France without the aid of fantastic performance enhancing drugs that may be deemed illegal, in a sport that is nothing but corrupt, raise your hand. It's okay, my hand is up too. The bogus scenario was as blatant as the previous run-on sentence. Who doesn't love a good a story? A story where the beaten and bruised conquer the realm of the evil, but the above plot wouldn't even fly in Middle Earth.

Everyday the statistics slap us in the face and the people we love are dying at Holocaustic numbers. Bitching about a single man's actions is pathetic. We are up against it and people are focused on one self-absorbed athlete. Being honest is a challenge when the lies become one's entire reality. One can only hope he regrets misleading the world over the regret of getting caught.

The fact that no one's weeping at this funeral is message enough. Instead of a rose, throw a dog turd on the coffin and move on. Stop caring about yellow jerseys and trophies. There's countless people wearing orange that must be cured. They need us on the front line. If we're not kill'in, we're dy'in.

Sorry kids, the legend out lived the man. It happens everyday, yet we act surprised when we get kicked in the teeth. (Cliche Alert) We are the human race and there is no finish line. We will chase the horizon to the vanishing point because we have no other choice. We can't give up and pretend to be a victim.

The existence of god will always spark debate, but the existence of false idols is proven on a daily basis.

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