Wednesday, January 29, 2014

A Statement About the State of the Union

Mike Crapo
Before we address the State of the Union I'd like you all to keep the following members of congress in your hearts and prayers.

Jesse Jackson Jr.
Republican Mike Crapo of Idaho who was arrested in December 2012 for drinking and driving.  Democrat Jesse Jackson, Jr. of Illinois for his ingenious and highly illegal misuse of $750,000 of campaign funds. Rick Renzi a republican from the great state of Arizona who was found guilty of 17 counts consisting of ,but not limited to, wire fraud, extortion and money laundering. Trey Radel a plucky republican from Florida who was just at the wrong place at the wrong time with a pile of cocaine.

Rick Renzi
There are many more elected criminals, but these are the most recent to get busted. Make no mistake, these men are still dedicated to ensuring their American dream comes true and they are really sad they got caught. I'm sure we've all been guilty of being too passionate about our causes. Then we end up getting drunk, do a bunch of cocaine, drive under the influence and steal three-quarters of a million dollars. Congressmen and regular people really aren't that different.

We've now got to look past these little things and focus on our politician's future. We still live in a fantasy world without any realistic perception. And trust me when I say this, we don't think of the general public as pawns, but more like a passed out virgin at a frat house kegger. It wasn't hard, we just told her the GHB was government aid.

Trey Radel
But even though we live in this fantasy world, the mixing of red and blue no longer makes a harmonious purple, but instead creates a pathetic group of people attempting to justify their failures. Gutless trust fund babies and lawyers are debating at this moment for their own self preservation. So get out and vote now!

We know if we wear suits and practice perfect diction you all will make us career politicians. With time we'll become complacent and instead of an impending economic collapse keeping us up at night it will just be the cocaine. We'll continue to call your bluff. Your threat to "press the reset button" comes from a minority of the population that simply doesn't matter.

See y'all at the next election.
                                                                                             
                                                                                              Sincerely,
                                                                                             
                                                                                              Your Leadership

No comments:

Post a Comment