Friday, February 14, 2014

So It's Valentimes Day

An Old Lady fighting through the sadness.
I've noticed a great deal of
entrepreneurs on the side of the road selling over priced flora, candy and gift baskets. Then I thought to myself, "Why can't I make money off desperate people?"

So, without further adieu, here's a list of what my magical Valentimes Baskets will include:
  • Clearance chocolate from last year's Valentimes
  • Toilet paper rose
  • Counterfeit Beanie Baby (either lobster or squirrel)
  • Roll of cherry Rolaids
  • Disappointment
  • 12 oz. zip-lock baggy of Merlot
  • $20 gift card to Olive Garden with only $5 on it
  • Signed head shot of retired Texas Ranger Julio
    Julio Franco is all about "Uh Gud Tine."
  • Engraved heart pendant that says "I'm Sorry"
  • 1 quart of pink cake icing.
Also, the basket is technically a promotional tote bag for the anti-depression medication Cymbalta. In addition, the containers housing the cake icing , bought at a surplus freight auction, are slightly burnt.
Get it all for $60 and show them how much they mean to you. Look for me today at a toll booth or turnpike near you!

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