So It's Valentimes Day

An Old Lady fighting through the sadness.

I've noticed a great deal of

entrepreneurs on the side of the road selling over priced flora, candy and gift baskets. Then I thought to myself, "Why can't I make money off desperate people?"

So, without further adieu, here's a list of what my magical Valentimes Baskets will include:

• Clearance chocolate from last year's Valentimes
• Toilet paper rose
• Counterfeit Beanie Baby (either lobster or squirrel)
• Roll of cherry Rolaids
• Disappointment
• 12 oz. zip-lock baggy of Merlot
• $20 gift card to Olive Garden with only $5 on it
• Signed head shot of retired Texas Ranger Julio

  

  Julio Franco is all about "Uh Gud Tine."

  Franco
• Engraved heart pendant that says "I'm Sorry"
• 1 quart of pink cake icing.

 

Also, the basket is technically a promotional tote bag for the anti-depression medication Cymbalta. In addition, the containers housing the cake icing , bought at a surplus freight auction, are slightly burnt.

 

Get it all for $60 and show them how much they mean to you. Look for me today at a toll booth or turnpike near you!