Revenge Chicken

The Mudroom

I went to the mud room and The tap wouldn't come on. I needs light when I make. As I was changing the battery I noticed someone smeared on the tapping area. Look you and I know you smeared booboo on the light. All I'm saying is I need this tap light to be working so I can clean myself. If this happens again I won't hesitate to put a lock on that mud room and you can go in the yard like the dog you are. See you at church.  

Extreme Cat Petting

The Frog's the Boss

I took this picture...

...on the outskirts of El Paso. It looks like a scene from a movie when the villain/hero is on the run. 

Today while in a public restroom I was a victim.

As I'm at a urinal I hear a groan from one of the stalls followed by the sound of what sounded like a frozen margarita being poured into a koi pond. Just the sound made me queazy, but the wall of stench that followed pushed me over the edge. After vomiting into the urinal I escaped this fresh new hell and got outside. What a way to start the day. I didn't even need to buy the coffee I went in to buy. I was more awake than I've ever been in my entire life. I called my mom and told her I love her.

Thought I catch a movie while on the biz trip

When this commercial...

...comes on I feel sad. I'm not sure why I feel so much pity for him. He's making money doing what he loves, but I swear there's a guy off camera with gun trained on him forcing him to perform.

Do you know the muffin man?

Ginger vs. Trout

Christmas is Over

I saw Santa on his way to a gig.

Whisper Jesus

Ink on Paper: Jerry Jones

I Caught this Guy Stealing Copper Out of My A/C Unit

WD-40 Costume is Done

Ebola in the U.S. = A Movie Already in Production

This movie poster it totally not Photo Shopped.

Who the hell gave my name to the Scientology folks?

Here's my response to the form letter and book they sent me:

Dear Scientology People,

This planet sucks. Get me out of here. I wanted to grow up to be a caveman and it never happened.

Then one time I was tricked into thinking I was going to a Metallica concert and it ended up being a cockfight. A man with a glass eye burned me with a cigarette and stroked my hair. 

I went ahead and returned your book Dianetics. I think I already tried that diet a few years ago. All it did was make me hate bananas and have diarrhea all the time. (This attached picture demonstrates my aversion to bananas.)

Love ya, mean it,

Mateo

P.S. - If you want to send me anymore literature a Batman graphic novel would be much appreciated.

I asked the dolphin...

...if the murder was premeditated. He ended up admitting it was on porpoise.